2nd July 2009
'Peter Pan of Pop' Cliff Richard dead
Cliff in happier times |
Lifelong celibate Sir Cliff, 68, is said to have suffered an attack culminating from 68 years of sperm build-up, which exploded his testes on Wednesday evening, fatally injuring him.
We Don't Talk Any More
On-off love interest and tennis star Sue Barker mourned the loss of Britain's best-selling singles artist, wailing that she was "devastated".
Grieving Sue said: "This just doesn't seem real. It seems like only yesterday he would pull up in his double decker bus to take me on an all-singing, all-dancing jaunt down to France on a summer holiday."
The Minute You're Gone
Despite a string of media-fuelled rumours of love and marriage, years of no self-abuse are said to have taken a heavy toll on the devout Christian. Doctors are said to have warned the 14-times number one singer that unless he took the matter in hand, the level of Harold Monk building up in his testicles "could be fatal".
However, Sir Cliff is said to have refused to "spill his seed to Onan" and became violent and aggressive when it was proposed he marry.
Please Don't Tease
Romantically linked to several women, including Olivia Newton John and Una Stubbs, the only Brit to score a number one single in each of the first five decades in the history of the UK singles chart rejected them all.
He was against marriage to any "Devil Woman", putting his career first: "I've been in love but marriage is a big commitment and being an artist consumes a great deal of time."
Congratulations
Asked to comment, his live-in property manger and former Catholic priest John McElynn paid tribute to his just-good-friend, saying: "Cliff dead? Is this some kind of joke?! We just went to Wimbledon on the off-chance it'd rain and he'd be asked to sing again.
"No, Cliff's definitely alive, you must be thinking of somebody else."
We Don't Talk Any More
On-off love interest and tennis star Sue Barker mourned the loss of Britain's best-selling singles artist, wailing that she was "devastated".
Grieving Sue said: "This just doesn't seem real. It seems like only yesterday he would pull up in his double decker bus to take me on an all-singing, all-dancing jaunt down to France on a summer holiday."
The Minute You're Gone
Despite a string of media-fuelled rumours of love and marriage, years of no self-abuse are said to have taken a heavy toll on the devout Christian. Doctors are said to have warned the 14-times number one singer that unless he took the matter in hand, the level of Harold Monk building up in his testicles "could be fatal".
However, Sir Cliff is said to have refused to "spill his seed to Onan" and became violent and aggressive when it was proposed he marry.
Please Don't Tease
Romantically linked to several women, including Olivia Newton John and Una Stubbs, the only Brit to score a number one single in each of the first five decades in the history of the UK singles chart rejected them all.
He was against marriage to any "Devil Woman", putting his career first: "I've been in love but marriage is a big commitment and being an artist consumes a great deal of time."
Congratulations
Asked to comment, his live-in property manger and former Catholic priest John McElynn paid tribute to his just-good-friend, saying: "Cliff dead? Is this some kind of joke?! We just went to Wimbledon on the off-chance it'd rain and he'd be asked to sing again.
"No, Cliff's definitely alive, you must be thinking of somebody else."
