16th May 2008
Aliens caught on film and 'happy slapped'
Footage of YouTube user 'Elliott' happy slapping an extra-terrestrial |
The newly declassified Ministry of Defence (MoD) files show that approximately 10,000 Britons, ranging from pilots, farmers, air traffic controllers and oiks, have seen an alien in the past 60 years.
Alien nation
A small minority of encounters have been caught on film, but thanks to the growth in camera phones, the most recent clips almost solely consist of happy slaps.
"It's incredible," said former MoD UFO expert Nick Pope. "I've seen clips of average people, just like you or I, seeing and recording a strange light in the eye.
"Quite naturally their first instinct on seeing visitors from another world is to film this moment so others will believe them, and equally naturally the individual also wants to capture themselves slapping any alien visitor around the head before running off laughing with their mates," he added.
Alf father
Experts are concerned that aliens may interpret this slap as the standard means of earth communication.
"In a dozen years time when aliens finally make their presence felt, how'd the prime minister, US president or UN secretary general like it if the aliens slap them around the head and fly off into hyperspace?" said Bobby Finkleweed, president of Exterminate, a pressure group dedicated to encouraging better interplanetary manners. "And imagine if a powerful Wookie from Star Wars or some nine foot tall lizard beast tried that on a puny human, it could sour Earth-rest of universe relations for centuries."
Klingon bitch
Yet according to Mr Finkleweed, humans have not always been so rude to alien visitors.
"Sadly, it's a growing trend - as recently as Close Encounters of the Third Kind humans were polite enough to communicate through classical music, or merely gape in slackjawed awe at hovering discs. Then came films like Predator and Independence Day so that nowadays, YouTube is just bursting with clips of Greys, ETs and even aliens from Alien getting happy slapped," he commented, shaking his head sadly.
"It's so bad that despite the prevalence of camera phones, there's not a single non-happy slap YouTube clip of an alien."
Dalek table
Nasa scientists claim that they have already received signals from Alpha Centuri that they've decoded as saying "Happy slap - WTF?" and "U a$$holes are so ded!!! :o"
Kai-lo Tuk, the UN's alien welcoming committee chairman, scotched concerns that happy slapping may lead to key global tourist attractions getting lasered to particles, saying: "Fuck off, don't tell me what to do blood, it [happy slapping] is well funny, innit."
Alien nation
A small minority of encounters have been caught on film, but thanks to the growth in camera phones, the most recent clips almost solely consist of happy slaps.
"It's incredible," said former MoD UFO expert Nick Pope. "I've seen clips of average people, just like you or I, seeing and recording a strange light in the eye.
"Quite naturally their first instinct on seeing visitors from another world is to film this moment so others will believe them, and equally naturally the individual also wants to capture themselves slapping any alien visitor around the head before running off laughing with their mates," he added.
Alf father
Experts are concerned that aliens may interpret this slap as the standard means of earth communication.
"In a dozen years time when aliens finally make their presence felt, how'd the prime minister, US president or UN secretary general like it if the aliens slap them around the head and fly off into hyperspace?" said Bobby Finkleweed, president of Exterminate, a pressure group dedicated to encouraging better interplanetary manners. "And imagine if a powerful Wookie from Star Wars or some nine foot tall lizard beast tried that on a puny human, it could sour Earth-rest of universe relations for centuries."
Klingon bitch
Yet according to Mr Finkleweed, humans have not always been so rude to alien visitors.
"Sadly, it's a growing trend - as recently as Close Encounters of the Third Kind humans were polite enough to communicate through classical music, or merely gape in slackjawed awe at hovering discs. Then came films like Predator and Independence Day so that nowadays, YouTube is just bursting with clips of Greys, ETs and even aliens from Alien getting happy slapped," he commented, shaking his head sadly.
"It's so bad that despite the prevalence of camera phones, there's not a single non-happy slap YouTube clip of an alien."
Dalek table
Nasa scientists claim that they have already received signals from Alpha Centuri that they've decoded as saying "Happy slap - WTF?" and "U a$$holes are so ded!!! :o"
Kai-lo Tuk, the UN's alien welcoming committee chairman, scotched concerns that happy slapping may lead to key global tourist attractions getting lasered to particles, saying: "Fuck off, don't tell me what to do blood, it [happy slapping] is well funny, innit."
