9th January 2008
Child born ready
The born ready child |
Dwayne Asswipe Beauvier III was born to L'angelina Beauvier Jnr on January 10th at the ER Memorial Hospital, Chicago, USA and as soon as he arrived "the little son of a bitch was hot to goddam trot, yessirree" a hospital spokesman whooped.
Ready to go
"I do declare I'd never seen the like before," Dr Huckabee Q Zebediah PhD BA (hons), the doctor who delivered the boy, told reporters.
"Why, the little mite already had a cheque - which we spell check by the way - in his hands ready to pay the hospital bill, with a cute little fistful of dollars to tip myself and the nurses."
Proud mum L'angelina said that little Dwayne took after his father, who always used to tell people he was "born ready" in answer to queries on his state of preparedness.
Ready and waiting
"I never believed it," the L'angelina, a full-time Groundhog Day planning consultant, stated. "Yet little Dwayne came outta me all like with a bag fulla a whole hunk o' junk, hat and some of the cutest little booties."
Even prouder was the father, Billybob 'Robert' Houndstooth, who gushed: "I knew this moment would happen, y'all hear, cos it's been in the family to be ready.
"My pappy, and his pappy before him, all been born ready. Why, ain't noone more ready than us Houndstooths, not since we all came over from the old country."
Ready meal
Already the fruit of his loin is said to be ready for all manner of events – whether it is having his nappy changed, suckling, or burping, Dwayne is reportedly all ready to go.
"Why, he just gets all up and I ain't never have to tell him," beamed L'angelina as her babe put on a hat and gloves for the cold outdoors.
"I'm just waiting for him to speak, why, I do declare that his first words are liable to be 'I was born ready', and I think I'll just come over all faint when he says them."
While the birth is not unique, it has been described as the "most curious birth" in medical history even since the Beastie Boys were born rapping.
Ready to go
"I do declare I'd never seen the like before," Dr Huckabee Q Zebediah PhD BA (hons), the doctor who delivered the boy, told reporters.
"Why, the little mite already had a cheque - which we spell check by the way - in his hands ready to pay the hospital bill, with a cute little fistful of dollars to tip myself and the nurses."
Proud mum L'angelina said that little Dwayne took after his father, who always used to tell people he was "born ready" in answer to queries on his state of preparedness.
Ready and waiting
"I never believed it," the L'angelina, a full-time Groundhog Day planning consultant, stated. "Yet little Dwayne came outta me all like with a bag fulla a whole hunk o' junk, hat and some of the cutest little booties."
Even prouder was the father, Billybob 'Robert' Houndstooth, who gushed: "I knew this moment would happen, y'all hear, cos it's been in the family to be ready.
"My pappy, and his pappy before him, all been born ready. Why, ain't noone more ready than us Houndstooths, not since we all came over from the old country."
Ready meal
Already the fruit of his loin is said to be ready for all manner of events – whether it is having his nappy changed, suckling, or burping, Dwayne is reportedly all ready to go.
"Why, he just gets all up and I ain't never have to tell him," beamed L'angelina as her babe put on a hat and gloves for the cold outdoors.
"I'm just waiting for him to speak, why, I do declare that his first words are liable to be 'I was born ready', and I think I'll just come over all faint when he says them."
While the birth is not unique, it has been described as the "most curious birth" in medical history even since the Beastie Boys were born rapping.
