19th December 2007
Craig David in danger of fading away
Craig David fading away? |
Artful Dodger's former collaborator has been described as at risk of the worst crisis in his career, even more of a danger than when he first shaved off his beard.
Re-e-wind
Dr Charles Wentworth, a lecturer in nomen-musicological studies at the West Midlands Poly, told InnitNews.co.uk: "After years of research and hundreds of thousands of pounds in grants, I can conclusively prove that Craig David's success is directly proportional to the use of his name in song," gushed the scientist.
"For instance, his debut single, that re-e-wind and bo selector one, had his name spoken, yet it only reached number two. However, by Fill Me In, that one about him and some bird in the backseat of a car, got to number one mainly because he was going 'Craaaaaiggggg Davvvviiiid' ad naseum throughout."
While this worked for several singles and became popular with other acts at the time, Dr Wentworth said that there came a point when David stopped adding his name.
"That proved fatal, it's even worse than a crowd not saying bo selector to the DJ, and ten times worse than a crowd saying bo selector and the DJ not having a clue what to do."
Boing
Sighing at the unfairness of it all, Dr Wentworth added: "Once it seemed that if the mantra of Craig David were uttered just a few more times, then David's powers would become unstoppable and he would take on the world.
"Instead, he could barely get a job writing jingles for fried chicken restaurants in the US. Which may explain the lack of facial hair," mused the lecturer, "since I believe it's banned in most restaurants over there."
With his final album now out, Trust Me, Dr Wentworth said that David needs to have his name sung 40 times, just over once per minute, and spoken 25 times to ensure he does not fade away.
When not editing his own Wikipedia entry, Craig David likes to tell everyone that he is not the same as the highly successful Craig David that has his own television show on Channel 4, Bo' Selecta!
Re-e-wind
Dr Charles Wentworth, a lecturer in nomen-musicological studies at the West Midlands Poly, told InnitNews.co.uk: "After years of research and hundreds of thousands of pounds in grants, I can conclusively prove that Craig David's success is directly proportional to the use of his name in song," gushed the scientist.
"For instance, his debut single, that re-e-wind and bo selector one, had his name spoken, yet it only reached number two. However, by Fill Me In, that one about him and some bird in the backseat of a car, got to number one mainly because he was going 'Craaaaaiggggg Davvvviiiid' ad naseum throughout."
While this worked for several singles and became popular with other acts at the time, Dr Wentworth said that there came a point when David stopped adding his name.
"That proved fatal, it's even worse than a crowd not saying bo selector to the DJ, and ten times worse than a crowd saying bo selector and the DJ not having a clue what to do."
Boing
Sighing at the unfairness of it all, Dr Wentworth added: "Once it seemed that if the mantra of Craig David were uttered just a few more times, then David's powers would become unstoppable and he would take on the world.
"Instead, he could barely get a job writing jingles for fried chicken restaurants in the US. Which may explain the lack of facial hair," mused the lecturer, "since I believe it's banned in most restaurants over there."
With his final album now out, Trust Me, Dr Wentworth said that David needs to have his name sung 40 times, just over once per minute, and spoken 25 times to ensure he does not fade away.
When not editing his own Wikipedia entry, Craig David likes to tell everyone that he is not the same as the highly successful Craig David that has his own television show on Channel 4, Bo' Selecta!
