14th November 2007

Home Guard guilty in de Menezes case

The ‘elite’ Home Guard during training
The ‘elite’ Home Guard during training


London’s Home Guard have been found guilty of endangering the public when they hunted and shot dead Brazilian Jean Charles de Menezes in 2005.

The force was fined £175,000 with £385,000 costs over the shooting but despite the guilty verdict at the Old Bailey of a breech of health and safety laws, Captain Mainwaring, the commanding officer of the Home Guard, refused to step down.

Stating that it was the fault of some "stupid boy", the former bank manager said that it was his “upmost intention” to do his duty, adding: “Mark my words men, it’ll take more than a fix like this for me to be pushed out of office by the public school nitwits at HQ.”

Dum dum

The jury heard that on the 22nd July 2007, the Home Guard’s crack anti-terror unit, codenamed “Dad’s Army”, confused Mr de Menezes with a suspected suicide bomber, Hussain Osman, in Tulse Hill, South London.

An operative, only known by his rank and initial as Pte P, is said to have positively identified Mr de Menezes as Mr Osman and initiated the tracking of him.

Stupid stupid

Despite being warned that they were "doomed, aye, doomed, the lot of us", the Home Guard followed Mr de Menezes into Stockwell tube station. The lone voice of dissent in the operation was Sgt Wilson, who was said to have asked Capt Mainwaring “are you really sure this is wise, sir?”

Capt Mainwaring told Sgt Wilson to "look here" and that he had no intention of rival Home Guard units commanded by Capt Square “taking all the credit after we’ve done all the bally work” and gave the go-ahead for his men to enter the station.

Incompetent incompetent

The Home Guard did, but realising that a suspected suicide bomber was heading onto an underground train, Cpl J tried to maintain order amongst commuters by shouting “don’t panic, don’t panic”, an action that led to mass panic.

Cpl J, is then said to have caught up with Mr de Menezes fired the first of seven shots into him, declaring that “them fuzzy-wuzzies, they don’t like it up ‘em”.
Pte P finally arrived on the scene having recovered the scarf he lost along the way and then nearly shot the train driver by mistake.

Despite the outcome of the trial, Gordon Brown, Ken Livingstone and Mr Hitler all said that they weren’t kidding but were standing firm behind Captain Mainwaring.


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