17th August 2008
Invisible Hand of Capitalism fined for obscene gestures
The Hand caught on CCTV |
Bow Street Magistrates' Court heard that the Hand, child of famous economist Adam Smith, disrupted trading on April 7th, sending markets across the globe into a 'credit crunch'.
V sign
Witness said that the giant hand revealed itself shortly after trading begun, making the V sign and flipping the bird. When asked to leave, the Hand became more disruptive and made the 'wanker' gesture at security guards, and managed to leave lewd graffiti before being escorted out.
"haha fuck you cunts", "suk my big cock" and "all your base are belong to us" were written in the LSE by the Hand, the court heard.
Summing up the case, district judge Gary Banlieu said: "Someone of your age and background should be setting an example to young people of today, not screwing them over for every penny they've got.
"No wonder the brains of our youths are rotting if those at the highest echelons of soceity behave in such a manner."
N oui
The Hand's defence lawyer, Barry Starr, QC, said that mitigating circumstances applied and that his client had been under a lot of pressure at work recently.
"My client fully accepts that creating the credit crunch was wholly irresponsible for a public figure invested in so much trust by the public at large.
"However, my client has been under a lot of stress lately, particularly at work, and I feel that this must be taken into account before any sentencing is given," he added.
A hole
However critics from around the world have already called for a stiff sentence for a Hand that they called "their leading light and point hand in life".
"Frankly I don't know where to turn," bequiffed capitalist Donald Trump said. "All my life I was taught to look up to and respect the hand, now I don't know who I can trust."
British dodgy-electronics hawker and celebrity finger-pointer Sir Alan Sugar added: "Hand, you gave it all this, but when it came to the [credit] crunch you just didn't deliver.
"You're fired!"
C word
Mr Starr said that in the Hand's defence, it had recently lost many close friends and was feeling reckless after it felt that its parents "abandoned" it.
Despite this, HH Judge Gary Banlieu sentence the Invisible Hand of Capitalism to exile for eight years, where he hopes it will learn its lesson.
After sentencing, it was revealed that the Hand was found guilty of similar charges in 1992, 1976 and 1929.
V sign
Witness said that the giant hand revealed itself shortly after trading begun, making the V sign and flipping the bird. When asked to leave, the Hand became more disruptive and made the 'wanker' gesture at security guards, and managed to leave lewd graffiti before being escorted out.
"haha fuck you cunts", "suk my big cock" and "all your base are belong to us" were written in the LSE by the Hand, the court heard.
Summing up the case, district judge Gary Banlieu said: "Someone of your age and background should be setting an example to young people of today, not screwing them over for every penny they've got.
"No wonder the brains of our youths are rotting if those at the highest echelons of soceity behave in such a manner."
N oui
The Hand's defence lawyer, Barry Starr, QC, said that mitigating circumstances applied and that his client had been under a lot of pressure at work recently.
"My client fully accepts that creating the credit crunch was wholly irresponsible for a public figure invested in so much trust by the public at large.
"However, my client has been under a lot of stress lately, particularly at work, and I feel that this must be taken into account before any sentencing is given," he added.
A hole
However critics from around the world have already called for a stiff sentence for a Hand that they called "their leading light and point hand in life".
"Frankly I don't know where to turn," bequiffed capitalist Donald Trump said. "All my life I was taught to look up to and respect the hand, now I don't know who I can trust."
British dodgy-electronics hawker and celebrity finger-pointer Sir Alan Sugar added: "Hand, you gave it all this, but when it came to the [credit] crunch you just didn't deliver.
"You're fired!"
C word
Mr Starr said that in the Hand's defence, it had recently lost many close friends and was feeling reckless after it felt that its parents "abandoned" it.
Despite this, HH Judge Gary Banlieu sentence the Invisible Hand of Capitalism to exile for eight years, where he hopes it will learn its lesson.
After sentencing, it was revealed that the Hand was found guilty of similar charges in 1992, 1976 and 1929.
