24th November 2007
Lib Dems 'cracked from multiple personality syndrome'
Lib Dems crack under the pressure |
According to the party's spokesperson, years of highly mixed accusations from the media has led the party to become confused as to its own identity and needs time to recuperate and "find its own voice again".
Branch
"Any party that could be told, often on the same day, that a vote for it is really a vote for the Tories, and then accused of being nothing more than a branch of Labour, can expect to have this happen to it," the spokesperson said. "In fact, it's been impressive that it has survived as long as it has without this happening earlier," they added.
Other claims made about the party in recent weeks include that it is both an advocate of laissez-faire capitalism and a hard-left socialist party; that its defence plans would leave Britain open for attack and also for wanting to overspend on defence; and that it should both disband and fight with a genuine chance of winning power.
Twig
Commentators stated that it was still suffering from the linking with Labour in the Lib-Lab pacts of the late 20th century and in the current devolved governments.
Critics said that it is time has come, while others said that it could still survive. Labour, which successfully underwent a personality transplant in the late 1990s, said that "it was very sorry for the Lib Dems" and instead "voters should just vote for us. We hate the Tories too, ain't that enough?"
Mini cheddars
The spokesman, whose smug smile was showing signs of strain after all these years, then detained reporters under the Serious and Organised Crime Act for asking an "off-message" question.
From their wind-turbine powered dark fortress, the Tories said that they were "most sorry" to hear of the Lib Dems' plight, before releasing the hounds on journalists.
Doctors have diagnosed that the Liberal Democrats must now decide between Cleggy, Compo or Foggy in the upcoming battle for dominant personality.
Branch
"Any party that could be told, often on the same day, that a vote for it is really a vote for the Tories, and then accused of being nothing more than a branch of Labour, can expect to have this happen to it," the spokesperson said. "In fact, it's been impressive that it has survived as long as it has without this happening earlier," they added.
Other claims made about the party in recent weeks include that it is both an advocate of laissez-faire capitalism and a hard-left socialist party; that its defence plans would leave Britain open for attack and also for wanting to overspend on defence; and that it should both disband and fight with a genuine chance of winning power.
Twig
Commentators stated that it was still suffering from the linking with Labour in the Lib-Lab pacts of the late 20th century and in the current devolved governments.
Critics said that it is time has come, while others said that it could still survive. Labour, which successfully underwent a personality transplant in the late 1990s, said that "it was very sorry for the Lib Dems" and instead "voters should just vote for us. We hate the Tories too, ain't that enough?"
Mini cheddars
The spokesman, whose smug smile was showing signs of strain after all these years, then detained reporters under the Serious and Organised Crime Act for asking an "off-message" question.
From their wind-turbine powered dark fortress, the Tories said that they were "most sorry" to hear of the Lib Dems' plight, before releasing the hounds on journalists.
Doctors have diagnosed that the Liberal Democrats must now decide between Cleggy, Compo or Foggy in the upcoming battle for dominant personality.
