15th April 2008
Media to proles - 'you've had your chance'
A selection of scum |
Speaking at the Fleet Street press conference on behalf of the News Editors Association and the Broadcasting Alliance, Piers Morgan said that "the proletariat had failed at every opportunity the media had given them to rise above themselves and shatter the stereotypes".
"Boy were we disappointed," he added.
Final straw
Explaining the decision, Mr Morgan said that the Shannon Matthews case "was the straw that broke the XR3i's chassis".
"The media came under heavy criticism during the Madeline McCann case - we were accused of focusing on her as she had attractive, middle-class and well educated parents who could hold their own coherent pres conferences," the former editor and professional greaser said.
"So when the Shannon [Matthews] case came up, we bent over backwards to give the same level of coverage, even though her family would best be suited to the supplement section rather than front page of any respectable paper. Or the Sun."
Final countdown
"We should have known," he added, holding up a copy of the Mirror denouncing Shannon's mum as a fraud who copied the plot from dolescum-centred Channel 4 comedy Shameless.
"They couldn't even be imaginative enough or have the wit to come up with something original," he added, shaking his head with utter disgust.
"Take the McCanns. Let's be honest, something is a bit funny there if you ask me. But they are educated enough to keep this thing going for months and, God forbid, it did turn out they did something, that's going to guarantee more paper sales and articles on 'middle-class fall from grace' for weeks, if not years."
Der der der-der duh
Mr Morgan added that not all proles would be affected. Big Brother contestants would continue to be reported on up to a maximum of one week after eviction.
Commenting on the statement, Professor John Rudge of Scum Studies at Bermondsey Polytechnic stressed it was important for the public to understand why some proles would be reported on, as money and class were separate affairs these days: "Most people when thinking of millionaires imagine a businessman in top hat and cigar, but in reality most professional footballers and singers are great examples of how money can't buy class."
This was supported, he claimed, by Mr Morgan adding that Lotto Louts and other chavs with cash would still be covered as they shift papers, and that as long as they continued to have good lawyers, upper-class misdemeanours would also escape press attention.
It's the final countdown
Mr Morgan ended his speech by reassuring readers that Wayne Rooney and his family would continue to be spread across the pages and that their wedding reception for his dolescum extended family and his "utterly naff" Italian castle wedding would most certainly feature.
He also pleaded for Mr Rooney to continue to gamble, visit old hookers and other hobbies that will allow the proles to stay down.
Professor Rudge commented that as a largely white, middle-class industry, journalists already have a hard enough time writing objective pieces on members of the lower orders.
"What with all these darkie stabbings and Muslim whatnot, journos are finding it hard to relate and be objective, so are just publishing bland pleadings, hysterical denunciations or publishing 'opinions' by extreme nutters," he added.
"No wonder they have to cut out one group they can't relate to when they have stuff like that to contend with."
"Boy were we disappointed," he added.
Final straw
Explaining the decision, Mr Morgan said that the Shannon Matthews case "was the straw that broke the XR3i's chassis".
"The media came under heavy criticism during the Madeline McCann case - we were accused of focusing on her as she had attractive, middle-class and well educated parents who could hold their own coherent pres conferences," the former editor and professional greaser said.
"So when the Shannon [Matthews] case came up, we bent over backwards to give the same level of coverage, even though her family would best be suited to the supplement section rather than front page of any respectable paper. Or the Sun."
Final countdown
"We should have known," he added, holding up a copy of the Mirror denouncing Shannon's mum as a fraud who copied the plot from dolescum-centred Channel 4 comedy Shameless.
"They couldn't even be imaginative enough or have the wit to come up with something original," he added, shaking his head with utter disgust.
"Take the McCanns. Let's be honest, something is a bit funny there if you ask me. But they are educated enough to keep this thing going for months and, God forbid, it did turn out they did something, that's going to guarantee more paper sales and articles on 'middle-class fall from grace' for weeks, if not years."
Der der der-der duh
Mr Morgan added that not all proles would be affected. Big Brother contestants would continue to be reported on up to a maximum of one week after eviction.
Commenting on the statement, Professor John Rudge of Scum Studies at Bermondsey Polytechnic stressed it was important for the public to understand why some proles would be reported on, as money and class were separate affairs these days: "Most people when thinking of millionaires imagine a businessman in top hat and cigar, but in reality most professional footballers and singers are great examples of how money can't buy class."
This was supported, he claimed, by Mr Morgan adding that Lotto Louts and other chavs with cash would still be covered as they shift papers, and that as long as they continued to have good lawyers, upper-class misdemeanours would also escape press attention.
It's the final countdown
Mr Morgan ended his speech by reassuring readers that Wayne Rooney and his family would continue to be spread across the pages and that their wedding reception for his dolescum extended family and his "utterly naff" Italian castle wedding would most certainly feature.
He also pleaded for Mr Rooney to continue to gamble, visit old hookers and other hobbies that will allow the proles to stay down.
Professor Rudge commented that as a largely white, middle-class industry, journalists already have a hard enough time writing objective pieces on members of the lower orders.
"What with all these darkie stabbings and Muslim whatnot, journos are finding it hard to relate and be objective, so are just publishing bland pleadings, hysterical denunciations or publishing 'opinions' by extreme nutters," he added.
"No wonder they have to cut out one group they can't relate to when they have stuff like that to contend with."
