17th August 2008
Parliament reorg 'to reflect society'
A more representative parliament |
Replacing the first-past-the-post election system as soon as Parliament returns from the summer recess, MPs will be 'scored' according to gang affiliation, recreational drug use, obesity and their teenage pregnancy rate.
Recess on
"This is a bold move to sweep out centuries of 'stale, pale male' oppression and truly reflect the vibrancy of modern Britain," announced constitutional affairs minister Michael Wills.
"When Parliament reopens after the recess, the Queen will address the modern vibrancy that is happy-go-lucky multicultural Britain."
Stabbing and kebabing
Already two MPs have been stabbed in the lobby, a sign Mr Wills said that they are "really starting to feel the vigour of modern youth".
Members bars are to be replaced by Wetherspoons and Pitcher & Pianos, while food will be provided by Maccy D's and a Mr Stavros Theodopolopodus, "purveyor of fine kebabs".
Tessa Jowell's pimp, culture minister Andy Burnham, added that he was "very happy" with the changes, and offered his "woman" out for "good rate".
Fools
Not everyone is so pleased with the changes. Michael Howard said that he was afraid to leave his office for fear of intimidation, while others have complained of graffiti and drug addicts in the corridors of power.
Gordon Brown has already survived one drive-by, presumed organised by David Miliband, but the prime minister's spokesman said that "the fool is gonna get what's coming, know what I mean". He then made a 'click-click' noise while making a gun shape with his right hand.
Recess on
"This is a bold move to sweep out centuries of 'stale, pale male' oppression and truly reflect the vibrancy of modern Britain," announced constitutional affairs minister Michael Wills.
"When Parliament reopens after the recess, the Queen will address the modern vibrancy that is happy-go-lucky multicultural Britain."
Stabbing and kebabing
Already two MPs have been stabbed in the lobby, a sign Mr Wills said that they are "really starting to feel the vigour of modern youth".
Members bars are to be replaced by Wetherspoons and Pitcher & Pianos, while food will be provided by Maccy D's and a Mr Stavros Theodopolopodus, "purveyor of fine kebabs".
Tessa Jowell's pimp, culture minister Andy Burnham, added that he was "very happy" with the changes, and offered his "woman" out for "good rate".
Fools
Not everyone is so pleased with the changes. Michael Howard said that he was afraid to leave his office for fear of intimidation, while others have complained of graffiti and drug addicts in the corridors of power.
Gordon Brown has already survived one drive-by, presumed organised by David Miliband, but the prime minister's spokesman said that "the fool is gonna get what's coming, know what I mean". He then made a 'click-click' noise while making a gun shape with his right hand.
