2nd July 2009
US apologises for revolution as MP expense scandal grows
The United States has apologised for its revolution following the MP expense scandal.
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Tax rise 'will scare off incompetent'
The new 50 per cent tax rate will scare off incompetent executives, industry experts have warned.
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India ordered to return money
India has been told to return the money it earned from the West during the recent global economic boom, the International Monetary Fund (IMF) and G8 have said.
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Britain may prosecute rich
Company directors, CEOs and other high-earning members of society may be liable to prosecution in a radical shake-up to the British legal system.
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Parliament reorg 'to reflect society'
Parliament is to be reorganised so that its members "truly reflect the makeup of modern Britain", the government has announced.
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Protests call for Swiss to free the Vatican
The Pope's visit to New York has led to demonstrations calling on Switzerland to free the Vatican, a nation the Alpine state has had troops stationed in for over 500 years.
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Media to proles - 'you've had your chance'
Representatives of Britain's major newspaper, television and radio news outlets have announced that the working classes that they "had their chance and blew it".
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International Astronomical Union calls for strike
Runaway mine train operators are to walk out over safety concerns in a move condemned as "unjustified" by commuters and miners.
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Rail strike to hit runaway mine trains
Runaway mine train operators are to walk out over safety concerns in a move condemned as "unjustified" by commuters and miners.
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Religions forced to drop food and dress requirements
World religions have been forced to drop dietary and dress requirements after the High Court ruled that they were "discriminatory and dated".
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Grand Mufti mystified at Jedi law furore
The Grand Mufti has announced that he is "mystified" at the level of criticism that has been levelled at him after remarks apparently support for the introduction of Jedi law.
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General-Director stages coup at BBC
The BBC's General-Director has staged a coup that has seen him depose the board of directors and instigate "direct programming".
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World enthralled by Russian non-Election
Journalists from around the world are being dispatched to Russia to cover the growing excitement of the non-election in the 'world's worst democracy'.
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Jesus dreading family Christmas
Jesus Christ is said to be "severely dreading" this Christmas, when his carpenter adoptive father Joseph and natural father God are set to clash.
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Christmas miracle in Iraq
In a move described as bearing the hallmarks of the "true meaning of Christmas", Iraq's Sunnis and Shi'ites have come together on Christmas Eve to play a football match.
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Protocols of the Youngsters of Cameron revealed
A political expert has revealed what he claims to be the Protocols of the Youngsters of a Cameron, a document purporting to show the true policies of the Conservatives' leader.
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Trainspotters demand death for teddy name
Trainspotters across Britain have marched demanding the death penalty for Michael Bond after he named a bear after an important train station.
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Lib Dems 'cracked from multiple personality syndrome'
The Liberal Democrat party has been checked into a home to help recover from a severe case of multiple personality syndrome following its breakdown.
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Darfur 'mixup' led to neo-Nazi funding claim
A Brentford man has claimed that a simple mixup in the pronunciation of Darfur led him to being accused of raising funds for a neo-Nazi organisation.
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Concerns as Muslims call for introduction of law
Politicians and protests groups have spoken out as scores of Muslims seek to introduce law into Britain.
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Home Guard guilty in de Menezes case
London's Home Guard have been found guilty of endangering the public when they hunted and shot dead Brazilian Jean Charles de Menezes in 2005.
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Brown urges Brits to unite for rugby final
Gordon Brown has urged Britons to put their sporting rivalries aside and come together in support for the common side in the rugby World Cup final.
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Prostitute given honour for services to industry
A popular London call girl has been given an OBE in the Queen's birthday honours list for her services to industry.
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Lib Dems to target appendix
The Liberal Democrats are to target the appendix ahead of the anticipated general election in a "surgical" bid to upstage their political rivals.
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Dome to reopen as Blair Legacy Centre
The Millennium Dome is to reopen as the Tony Blair Legacy Centre when the prime minister retires later this month, it has emerged.
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Brown to launch Nü Labour
Gordon Brown has announced that he is to rebrand his political party as Nü Labour to demonstrate what he sees as a continuation and separation from Tony Blair's reign.
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Blair rastafies EU constitution
Tony Blair has rastafied the contentious European Union constitution as his last major act as prime minister.
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Jesus acquitted on appeal
Jesus Christ has won his appeal against what is called one of the oldest cases of wrongful conviction in a special tribunal convened in Jerusalem.
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Middleton dumped as mum 'too common'
Kate Middleton was dumped by Prince William because her mum was far too common, InnitNews.co.uk can exclusively reveal.
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Mysterious writing appears on Blair's Facebook wall
Four mysterious words purporting to have been written by God have appeared on Tony Blair's Facebook wall.
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Tories to use hot air as campaign fuel
The Conservative party has announced plans that should see its "carbon neutral" election campaign fuelled entirely by hot air.
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Gay pride march causes controversy
Gay pride marchers protesting in central London have taken to the streets to protest at what they say is "institutional discrimination".
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Illegal immigrant kills billions
Authorities have come under fire after it was revealed that an illegal immigrant with a criminal record has caused the death of billions.
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Russia to 'reacquire Great Big Bunch of Cunts' status
Russia has outlined its plans as to how it will reacquire its Great Big Bunch of Cunts status that it lost in the fall of the Soviet Union.
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London Lite freed
London Lite, the journal that had been kidnapped by Islamic militants, has been released following a long campaign calling for its freedom.
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Doctors warn monarchs of alcohol abuse risks
Doctors have warned monarchs, emperors and conquerors to drink responsibly as new statistics show a rise in alcohol related deaths among this group.
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Mohammed cartoon spin-off series enrages Muslims
Muslims across the world are taking to the streets in violent protests over the spin-off series to last year's controversial 'Mohammed cartoons'.
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Palace to lose extension
Westminster Council has ordered notorious residents the Windsors to demolish their illegally erected extension.
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Iran handed 'Asbo of Evil'
Following Iran's seizure of 15 Royal Navy sailors, Tony Blair has slapped what he calls "an Asbo of evil" on the radical Islamic state.
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More people than ever living anti-American dream
More people than ever before are living the anti-American dream, a new survey has found.
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World leaders gather at Davros
The World Economic Forum has convened the globe's top politicians and business leaders to discuss the financial and environmental future at the bidding of Davros, leader and creator of the Dalek race.
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Pirates call for end to discrimination
Pirates have launched a new campaign to end what they describe as "outdated and offensive caricatures" of one of the Seven Sea's "most vibrant and colourful cultures".
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