3rd April 2008
Religions forced to drop food and dress requirements
An Arab and Jew celebrating the ruling |
Religious leaders across the globe were said to be shocked to discover that they could no longer force adherents to eat or wear what they were told, a ruling that comes in with immediate effect.
Pork pies
Mr Justice Smith said in his ruling that sumptuary and dietary requirements contravened the Human Rights Act, adding that he gave religions no leave to appeal the decision.
"There is no need in the 21st century for people to be denied access to eternal bliss merely because they eat a pork pie or shave their beard," the judge ruled.
From midnight tonight, heavens, paradises and nirvanas will no longer be able to ask applicants whether they have eaten certain products, or whether they have worn certain items of clothing or arranged their hair in specified manners.
Apples and pears
In addition, instead of interviewing applicants they can only ask prospective afterlife entrants can only be invited to fill in a form and to declare that they met the "ideals and aims" of the religion during their earthly tenure.
Reception has been mixed, with some adherents calling it "a rapture of change", while others have condemned it as "work of the Great Satan".
The Pope has already excommunicated Mr Justice Smith, several imams have issued fatwas against him and the Dalai Lama has pronounced that "all is change and change is all".
Bread and honey
Devout practioners are also said to be distraught, especially those on their deathbeds who are now "upset" that they spent most of their time in Jerusalem wearing clothes designed for Siberia, or have had to spend years of their lives picking food out of beards.
Others though have welcomed the ruling – in Delhi Hindus and Muslims united to cluster around kebab vans and pie and mash shops to feast on pork, beef and other previously forbidden meats.
In the Middle East, owners of female fashion shops have reported 1,000 per cent increases in sales as women their ditched burqhas and have started wearing dresses and makeup.
Barnet fair
Critics, including atheists, have pointed out that some rules were there for good reason and are seeking an annulment. Some Jews are said to have already suffered from fatal shellfish poisoning, hundreds of Sikhs have suffered from shaving cuts and monasteries swamped with long-haired monks.
Heavenly representatives have already said that they will continue to maintain a right-of-admission reserved policy, and that jeans and trainers were still not acceptable, regardless of the ruling.
Pork pies
Mr Justice Smith said in his ruling that sumptuary and dietary requirements contravened the Human Rights Act, adding that he gave religions no leave to appeal the decision.
"There is no need in the 21st century for people to be denied access to eternal bliss merely because they eat a pork pie or shave their beard," the judge ruled.
From midnight tonight, heavens, paradises and nirvanas will no longer be able to ask applicants whether they have eaten certain products, or whether they have worn certain items of clothing or arranged their hair in specified manners.
Apples and pears
In addition, instead of interviewing applicants they can only ask prospective afterlife entrants can only be invited to fill in a form and to declare that they met the "ideals and aims" of the religion during their earthly tenure.
Reception has been mixed, with some adherents calling it "a rapture of change", while others have condemned it as "work of the Great Satan".
The Pope has already excommunicated Mr Justice Smith, several imams have issued fatwas against him and the Dalai Lama has pronounced that "all is change and change is all".
Bread and honey
Devout practioners are also said to be distraught, especially those on their deathbeds who are now "upset" that they spent most of their time in Jerusalem wearing clothes designed for Siberia, or have had to spend years of their lives picking food out of beards.
Others though have welcomed the ruling – in Delhi Hindus and Muslims united to cluster around kebab vans and pie and mash shops to feast on pork, beef and other previously forbidden meats.
In the Middle East, owners of female fashion shops have reported 1,000 per cent increases in sales as women their ditched burqhas and have started wearing dresses and makeup.
Barnet fair
Critics, including atheists, have pointed out that some rules were there for good reason and are seeking an annulment. Some Jews are said to have already suffered from fatal shellfish poisoning, hundreds of Sikhs have suffered from shaving cuts and monasteries swamped with long-haired monks.
Heavenly representatives have already said that they will continue to maintain a right-of-admission reserved policy, and that jeans and trainers were still not acceptable, regardless of the ruling.
