21st September 2007
Russia to 'reacquire Great Big Bunch of Cunts' status
Russian president Vladimir Putin out enjoying himself |
Speaking at a St Petersburg press conference, after which all the journalists present were incarcerated without charge and beaten with rubber tubing, president Vladimir Putin announced a series of measures designed to help the power.
The bear
Long-range bomber patrols close to Nato airspace by Tu-95 nuclear bomber craft are to resume, while Russia's oil and gas reserves are to be used as part of political strategy, with any state which angers Moscow even slightly to be cut off in winter, the president declared.
"For over a decade, the once-proud Russian people were cowed and cudgelled by foreign powers keen to exploit her weaknesses," Mr Putin declaimed to an enforced thunderous applause.
"We have had to sit idly by while America strutted the world as the sole Great Big Bunch of Cunts. Comrades, that shall be no more!"
The cock
In political manoeuvring reminiscent of the so-called Great Cunts' Game of the 19th century, Russia is seeking to expand its power at home and influence abroad. In addition to Russian state-owned monopolies' purchases of foreign rivals, attacks on the integrity of neighbouring nations are also underway.
Estonia had its main national website hacked this summer after a row with Russia over the relocation of a memorial to the Red Army, which invaded the tiny Baltic nation in 1940 and 1944, killing tens of thousands in the process.
Furthermore, critics abroad are being silenced, as in the Alexander Litvinenko case, with the chief suspect in thus now running for parliament.
The arsehole
Also unveiled in the speech were plans for a ten-fold increase in defence spending and the reopening of Siberia's labour camps.
"Let the world and the enemies of Russia know this," roared Mr Putin as he banged his shoe on the table. "We are once again a Great Big Bunch of Cunts!"
The bear
Long-range bomber patrols close to Nato airspace by Tu-95 nuclear bomber craft are to resume, while Russia's oil and gas reserves are to be used as part of political strategy, with any state which angers Moscow even slightly to be cut off in winter, the president declared.
"For over a decade, the once-proud Russian people were cowed and cudgelled by foreign powers keen to exploit her weaknesses," Mr Putin declaimed to an enforced thunderous applause.
"We have had to sit idly by while America strutted the world as the sole Great Big Bunch of Cunts. Comrades, that shall be no more!"
The cock
In political manoeuvring reminiscent of the so-called Great Cunts' Game of the 19th century, Russia is seeking to expand its power at home and influence abroad. In addition to Russian state-owned monopolies' purchases of foreign rivals, attacks on the integrity of neighbouring nations are also underway.
Estonia had its main national website hacked this summer after a row with Russia over the relocation of a memorial to the Red Army, which invaded the tiny Baltic nation in 1940 and 1944, killing tens of thousands in the process.
Furthermore, critics abroad are being silenced, as in the Alexander Litvinenko case, with the chief suspect in thus now running for parliament.
The arsehole
Also unveiled in the speech were plans for a ten-fold increase in defence spending and the reopening of Siberia's labour camps.
"Let the world and the enemies of Russia know this," roared Mr Putin as he banged his shoe on the table. "We are once again a Great Big Bunch of Cunts!"
