17th August 2008

US 'to put man on a hoverboard by 2015'

President Bush with an early prototype
President Bush with an early prototype

President George Bush of the United States has vowed that his country will put a man on a hoverboard by 2015.

$1.8 billion (1 billion) has been earmarked for hoverboard research in what Nasa head Michael Griffin has called "humanity's challenge for the new millennium".

Board games

"Many years ago, cinemagoers were shown a vision of the future, God bless America. One in which man could hover at will across land and water, one where a simple slip of balance could send you shattering into the town clock, God bless America. I want America and Americans to make that future happen, God bless America," declared Mr Bush whilst wearing a US flag on his lapel to help remember which country he's in.

"Already, our intelligence sources state that China is working on its own version, the You Please be Floating Plank, and Russia too has its own designs, God bless America. We cannot allow ourselves to slip in such ground-breaking research as the hoverboard, God bless America."

Nasa is already said to be preparing to launch unmanned hoverboards next year, with hopes that if successful the manned version will be ready to go in 2015. In addition, there are rumours that the US military is also working on a combat version for Iraq.

Planks of wood

However, critics state that money would be better spent on other futuristic research, such as self-drying clothing, shoelace-free shoes, flying cars and extendable baseball bats.

"This money could be better spent on more realistic futuristic technologies, such as the Mr Fusion portable reactor," said Ito Fujitsu of the Sys Corporation.

"We've already achieved what we never though possible, such as flat-screen TVs and double-ties, so we should simply let history take its course without trying to alter it. Who knows what changes we could make to the timelines by meddling now."

Panel show

Mr Griffin said that once the hoverboard is complete, they can then start focus resources on the important field of DeLorean-based time travel, where a trip to 1985 Hill Valley, California has already been scheduled.

In addition, justifying the channelling of Mars-mission funding, Mr Griffin said that creating a working hoverboard was much more feasible than his country's other goal of putting a man on the red planet.

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