2nd July 2009
US apologises for revolution as MP expense scandal grows
The United States has apologised for its revolution following the MP expense scandal.
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Tax rise 'will scare off incompetent'
The new 50 per cent tax rate will scare off incompetent executives, industry experts have warned.
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India ordered to return money
India has been told to return the money it earned from the West during the recent global economic boom, the International Monetary Fund (IMF) and G8 have said.
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US 'to put man on a hoverboard by 2015'
President George Bush of the United States has vowed that his country will put a man on a hoverboard by 2015.
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Invisible Hand of Capitalism fined for obscene gestures
The Invisible Hand of Capitalism has been fined £50,000 for making obscene gestures in the London Stock Exchange (LSE).
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Britain's export of baddies plunges
Britain's export of actors and actresses to play villains in Hollywood films has hit new lows, the National Audit Office's (NAO's) latest report claims.
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Aliens caught on film and 'happy slapped'
Newly released government files show that not only have aliens been captured on film, they've been so-called 'happy slap' victims.
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Protests call for Swiss to free the Vatican
The Pope's visit to New York has led to demonstrations calling on Switzerland to free the Vatican, a nation the Alpine state has had troops stationed in for over 500 years.
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Religions forced to drop food and dress requirements
World religions have been forced to drop dietary and dress requirements after the High Court ruled that they were "discriminatory and dated".
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IOC: China taking Olympics far too seriously
China is taking the hosting of the 2008 Olympic Games "far too seriously", the International Olympics Committee (IOC) has announced.
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Grand Mufti mystified at Jedi law furore
The Grand Mufti has announced that he is "mystified" at the level of criticism that has been levelled at him after remarks apparently support for the introduction of Jedi law.
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World enthralled by Russian non-Election
Journalists from around the world are being dispatched to Russia to cover the growing excitement of the non-election in the 'world's worst democracy'.
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UK artists' positions outsourced to Asia
Britain's arts councils are to outsource most artists' roles to Asia in a move described as "inevitable in today's global market".
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Africans 'dangerously low in Christmas time knowledge'
Africans' knowledge of when it is Christmas time at all is slipping compared with Westerners', a new survey has found.
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Christmas miracle in Iraq
In a move described as bearing the hallmarks of the "true meaning of Christmas", Iraq's Sunnis and Shi'ites have come together on Christmas Eve to play a football match.
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Doctor Who fined by Commission for Specieal Equality
Doctor Who, the BBC's resident time traveller, has been fined by the Commission for Specieal Equality (CSE) a record five million galactic credits (�4,789.27) for "institutional and relentless" speciesism.
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Protocols of the Youngsters of Cameron revealed
A political expert has revealed what he claims to be the Protocols of the Youngsters of a Cameron, a document purporting to show the true policies of the Conservatives' leader.
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Trainspotters demand death for teddy name
Trainspotters across Britain have marched demanding the death penalty for Michael Bond after he named a bear after an important train station.
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Concerns as Muslims call for introduction of law
Politicians and protests groups have spoken out as scores of Muslims seek to introduce law into Britain.
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Russia to 'reacquire Great Big Bunch of Cunts' status
Russia has outlined its plans as to how it will reacquire its Great Big Bunch of Cunts status that it lost in the fall of the Soviet Union.
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London Lite freed
London Lite, the journal that had been kidnapped by Islamic militants, has been released following a long campaign calling for its freedom.
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Doctors warn monarchs of alcohol abuse risks
Doctors have warned monarchs, emperors and conquerors to drink responsibly as new statistics show a rise in alcohol related deaths among this group.
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Road to hell paved with bad intentions
Satan, prince of darkness, has been left even redder faced than normal following revelations that he was duped by cowboy builders.
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Mohammed cartoon spin-off series enrages Muslims
Muslims across the world are taking to the streets in violent protests over the spin-off series to last year's controversial 'Mohammed cartoons'.
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Survey debunks ice-cream van myths
A new survey has debunked the widespread myth that the playing of music indicates that an ice-cream van is out of stock.
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Iran handed 'Asbo of Evil'
Following Iran's seizure of 15 Royal Navy sailors, Tony Blair has slapped what he calls "an Asbo of evil" on the radical Islamic state.
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More people than ever living anti-American dream
More people than ever before are living the anti-American dream, a new survey has found.
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World leaders gather at Davros
The World Economic Forum has convened the globe's top politicians and business leaders to discuss the financial and environmental future at the bidding of Davros, leader and creator of the Dalek race.
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Pirates call for end to discrimination
Pirates have launched a new campaign to end what they describe as "outdated and offensive caricatures" of one of the Seven Sea's "most vibrant and colourful cultures".
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