Are YOU a journalist?
Are you a journalist? This
is the question on the lips of literally handfuls of people across the land.
Not so long ago, you could check where your office was to give an answer – if
you worked on Fleet Street, then yes, you were a
journalist. However, things have changed beyond recognition and journalists now
work in the Docklands. Yet tell someone that you are a journalist because you
work in the Docklands and they may point out that you are in fact a solicitor
or even a merchant banker. And thanks to the demand for instant pornographic
images, the internet was invented and a journalist no longer has to work on a
printed newspaper or even be in
But are you a just a poodle
of a blogger or a Crufts-winning
newshound? Take this simple test, adding up your score at the end, and find out
whether you are a true journalist.
1 You are at your favourite
milliners choosing a hat. Do you go for:
a. A baseball cap
b. The kind of hat you could wear at a wedding
c. A trilby with a little white card in the hat band that says Press.
2 Another day, another
several hours spent working beyond your regular shift. However, you do not mind
as you know you will rewarded. But how?:
a. With a
free taxi home and a big bonus which the bank gives to reward its top
employees.
b. With a company-provided back rub and the knowledge that at
this rate you will soon become a partner.
c. With a
doughnut.
3 A natural disaster has
struck and millions of people are dead. Your first reaction is:
a. Think it is a great shame but there is nothing you can do.
Besides, it's miles away from you.
b. Get out your coffee mug and organise a whip round in the
office for any survivors
c. Pleased
as you were looking for a disaster story for that day. But you wonder whether
'millions dead' or 'huge tragedy' in the headline will work better for SEO and
ponder how you can summarise the event in 200 words or less.
4 Your want to improve your
firm's market share to become the leader in the field. What do you do?:
a. Get rid of surplus departments, rebrand
your organisation and focus on your core business.
b. Make a series of acquisitions to strengthen the company and
make sweeping changes in the boardroom.
c. Put a topless bird on the third page of your publication.
5 Journalists have managed
to shape the world. Woodward and Bernstein helped break Watergate, the Profumo affair was broken by the papers, and Tintin was the first man on the moon. But what is your
greatest contribution to the world of print?:
a. A dedication to cutting through the tripe and sniffing out
the truth in the abattoir that is the world of news.
b. A wide range of contacts in the political and financial
world who can give you tips that make the front page.
c. Slipping in keywords.
6 What would you rather see
a herd of whilst on safari in the Serengeti?:
a. Lions, because they king of the jungle
b. Elephants, because they are impressive, intelligent beasts
c. Gnus, because their name reminds you of your job.
7 Lunch is for:
a. Wimps
b. Networking
c. 1.10pm
to 1.23pm
8 You studied English at
university, you now:
a. Teach pupils the joy of the language of Shakespeare and
Dickens.
b. Wander as lonely as a cloud through the countryside, seeking
inspiration for your poetry.
c. Advise people on how to stay out of debt, buy a home abroad
and the latest scientific advances relating to engine parts.
9 You suspect one of your
colleagues has a secret alter-ego. But which one?:
a. Sex-crazed pervert with a string of mistresses and leather
outfits.
b. Alcohol-fuelled boozer who cries themselves to sleep each
night.
c. Some kind of super person or man with arachnid-based special
powers
10 What's the best way to
sell your product?:
a. Create your own distribution network and stores from scratch
and make it the latest must-have, like Apple did.
b. Work your way up slowly but steadily to reach domination,
like Marks & Spencer.
c. Get depressed immigrants to foist your badly-printed goods
upon commuters desperate to get home. Then have another such seller a few yards
further down the road.
Right, that's ten questions.
Give yourself one point for an a, two for a b and
three for a c (apart from question 9, where all are worth three points) to
reveal your score (but not your sources):
1 – 10 Oh dear, you are
definitely not a journalist. The limit of your journalistic skills is writing a
blog on MySpace in the hope
of attracting a naïve teen, or being a victim of a happy slap camera attack.
Your published work includes one letter to Dear Deidre.
11 – 20 Better. You
sometimes read a paper other than the Metro and once wrote a strongly worded
letter to the Guardian. However, you are happier to earn a fair day's wage
making money for a rich firm rather than give your time freely in the pursuit
of "the truth".
22 – 35 Hold
the front page - you're a journalist! You cut through the facts like a hot
knife through dairy products. No story is too small or lie
too big for you not to take it on. Politicians quiver when you speak to them
and showbiz starlets are constantly calling, begging to get on your column.
Such greats as Robert Maxwell and Rupert Murdoch have nothing on you.